I’m really good at keeping secrets because five minutes later I forget what you told me because I don’t care
911 what’s your emergency?
i hate when people complain about how technology is “ruining everything.” i have over 200 pictures of my dog on my phone and i can send them to my friends when they are sad. how is that ruining anything. why do you hate happiness
playing grand theft auto
"big boobs don’t count if you’re fat"
neither does a big dick if half of it is your personality
I think I’m going to write a book called “‘Four Hours Is Definitely Enough Sleep’ And Other Lies I Tell Myself”